First up: TITLES IN SEARCH OF A SCRIPT, by Mr. Stanley Kubrick.
Over the course of the 34 years they worked together, until the filmmaker died in 1999, Stanley Kubrick and his personal assistant, Tony Frewin, kept an ever-growing, lighthearted list of potential movie titles that they called, "Titles in search of a script." Says Frewin, in the vast and truly incredible book, The Stanley Kubrick Archives:
Stanley once suggested we open an agency called Titles 'r' Us Inc — and that's all we would trade in. There had to be a market for them as the studios were doing such a poor job themselves.
A selection from that list follows, with commentary from Frewin.
(Source: The Stanley Kubrick Archives; Image: Stanley Kubrick, via LIFE.)
I MARRIED AN ARMENIAN
(Said matter-of-factly to us by a woman publicist. Stanley thought it a great title for a 1940s-style Warner Bros. musical.)
IF ONLY THE FÜHRER KNEW!
(This was a common saying in Germany in the 1930s whenever something went wrong or somebody did something wrong. Used mockingly with the eyes looking upwards.)
(Five vehicles for Sharon Stone. Partition Magic was the name of a software package in the days of DOS that almost allowed you to run two programs concurrently.)
ONLY MINISTERS OF THE THIRD REICH MAY USE GREEN INK
(Stanley read somewhere that this was, in fact, true. He thought it would make a great art house double bill with Wim Wender's 1971 film, The Goalie's Anxiety at the Penalty Kick.)
COFFIN NOT INCLUDED
(A 1940s noir thriller. When I was researching props for the morgue scene in Eyes Wide Shut I had a catalogue from a company that supplied funeral parlour equipment. One of the illustrations showed a bier with a coffin on it. The caption read: "The Excelsior Bier (coffin not included.)")
(Stanley's title misunderstood by a switchboard operator at Shepperton Studios while he was making the film.)
One in the eye for those people who said Stan had no sense of humour.
More in the link up there.